paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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