I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
