I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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