I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just high enough for therapy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
