i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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