I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
