thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i believe in u and ur pee
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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