as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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