He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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