why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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