69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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