Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
