Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
