Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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