During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
