the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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