dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
