Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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