Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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