at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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