By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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