Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
