YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
