Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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