In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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