I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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