No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
