Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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