If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
