just come out here and I will go home with you...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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