He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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