im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
