i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't deserve a penis
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
