you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
