what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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