dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
