just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
