saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
