maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
