I want to stick my p in your. b.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
