so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize