Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm at about main and main street
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
