During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
