I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
