do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
