i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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