sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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