She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
