I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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