Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
