I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
