I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
